I wish i could have chosen not to deal. A week ago i was sitting in a hotel room in waco, having fled with my animals for safety, my house is in the mandatory zone for evacuation so little choice, not that i would have chosen to ride this one out. I came away from all this very lucky, the house wasn’t damaged, a few missing shingles, a little fence damage, just mostly some major tree damage. On wednesday after coming home i hit the wall, crumbled. I don’t know if i have the constitution it takes to deal with this – i’ve seen so many with such bravado and cavalier attitude – i just wanted to and did crawl into and not leave my hobbit hole, work is the necessity for leaving tomorrow. The cost of taking down trees, the expense of having to evacuate, the never getting ahead of the bills ….

There was some humor – inroute to waco within an hour slycat had peed on me and boudin had thrown up twice all over the back seat – arriving in waco and checking into the hotel i discovered boudin was also scared of climbing stairs. I just did what i had to do to get us through waco – i think it’s the responsibility of having to be the decision maker / responsible one 24/7 that i’m just so over – this just brought it all to a head. Really wish for once i’d meet a man willing and worthy of sharing this life with.